the biography of someone

random happenstances | shedding a little light on people we've met in life

February 13, 2011

A Valentine Special Edition

Top 5 Couple Persona's That We Love To Hate.

In honour of Valentine’s Day, I thought it would be fun to commemorate the best of the worst couples we have all met at one time or another. In no way am I saying their love isn’t real, I’m simply saying that at times, their behaviour could be classified as annoying or amusing. I will be writing them as a combined entity; almost like Brangelina but more descriptive. And to start us off...

The Mush-Couple!

Tell-tale sign you are encountering this kind of couple:
They will usually be joined together by *some* body part. If you have been unlucky enough to be within ear range of their phone conversations, they will have lots of “I love you moar!”s and “Even if you were in an accident with 3rd degree burns all over your body and no longer looked like a human being, you would still be the prettiest girl/boy in my world.” They are usually very melodramatic and need to have some sort of public audience. This is a plus for Mush-Couples in this generation since they have so many options for audiences these days. You will probably be forced to read many of their social media status’s (Facebook, Twitter and whatever else the kids are up to nowadays). Be warned that these are worse than their phone conversations.
If they are in a fight of some kind, they will often show emo-like tendencies in their status and type things like “I am so alone, can’t believe you fed my heart to the dragon that is known as hatred.” Or my personal favourite “I guess you never loved me, I hope you are happy knowing you will never find a love like mine EVER AGAIN. FOREVER.” They love hard, and they battle hard.

This is a popular couple. There was a time in which I thought the mush-couple was a myth and only real in TV sitcoms or movies. How foolish I was back then... I have bumped into this couple (correction: we all have) in many places in life. Perhaps you were standing in line somewhere and forced to watch them make out in front of you. Perhaps you were checking Facebook and realised that your entire home page was bombarded with love/hate status back and forth instead of the typical Farmville invites. Whatever the circumstances, your initial reaction was probably trying to find a way to escape. They are like some kind of cosmic force; they pull one another fiercely towards each other while violently repelling everyone else within 30 yards.

The Dependent Duo

Tell-tale sign you are encountering this kind of couple:

There is usually a visibly stronger character in the relationship. Someone who bosses the spouse around, especially in public! When we use the word ‘dependent’, it has a pretty broad meaning here. One kind is they are both dependent on something. Examples would be drug addicts or a serious hobby. But if you remove the something, they will most likely have very little in common. But there is a kind that is better known. The Dependent Duo may not initially appear as boyfriend-girlfriend if you were meeting them for the first time. Their behaviour would probably confuse you. The more popular relationship they mimic is a parent with a son or daughter.

The first time I met a Dependent Duo, the girl corrected everything the guy would say with an attitude of exasperation.
Boy: We were visiting my family the other weekend...
Girl: Correction, we were late visiting your family because you didn’t take the route I said would be faster.
Boy: Right. *looks ashamed*
It is tiring to listen to after awhile. I would wonder why the boy didn’t stand up for himself! The truth is simple: they depend on each other. The forceful partner depends on the control they have and the shy partner depends on having their decisions laid out for them. Either way, it gets annoying very quickly and you usually spend minimal time with this couple.

The Fakers

Tell-tale sign you are encountering this kind of couple:

Ah, the fakers are a personal favourite of mine. Everyone knows they should not be together. They fight a lot. I know what you are saying ‘every couple fights’. But I mean a lot. And the topics of their argument (topics I have witnessed firsthand) include; not adding an ingredient to the meal “on purpose because you know I like the taste”, not liking the same character on the TV show, not saying ‘I love you’ back fast enough. These fights often branch from long ago issues that were never fully resolved and might even be the reason for their hatred of each other. You see it, their friends see it, and their coworkers see it. Even their parents probably agree that they should never be within close proximity!

When you confront or show concern to either of the two, they are quick to respond with things like ‘We are just kidding around when I say I want to scratch his eyes out!’ or ‘we are soul mates!’ But it is rare you will see a loving connection between them. Maybe they are very private people who choose not to show any emotional for their partner. Or maybe the jig is up and they need to move on.

The T.M.I. Couple

Tell-tale sign you are encountering this kind of couple:

The T.M.I. (also known as Too Much Information) Couple can often be confused with the Mush-Couple. While they are very...very open about public displays of affection, they continue to confide, to pretty much anyone who will listen, about completely inappropriate information. The range of topics are endless; how their sex life is fairing, with pie charts showing their progress; the thing on his back they thought was a mole but ended up being a pimple that she was finally able to pop.

The problem with the T.M.I Couples is that you just don’t know they are one until it’s too late. One moment all is happy with the world and the next you want to stab a sharp object into your ear. There is no way to mentally prepare for some of the information you will hear from this couple, the only suggestion I can give you is to stay strong and it will all be over as quickly as it came.

The Super Couple

Tell-tale sign you are encountering this kind of couple:

The super couple are a rare breed. They randomly appear to remind you of all your flaws. They are beautiful, successful and usually quite wealthy. They might be sitting next to you and your spouse in a restaurant or walking down the street. Every glance at their manicured fingers and every ‘clip clop’ of their Italian shoes make your thighs feel fatter and your skin look blemished. They even smell phenomenal, for god’s sake. You will probably never know them very well, but everyone seems to know *of* them. There is only one thing I can think of that goes against them; they tend to lack character or personality. Not all of them, of course. But it makes me feel better to think they are boring...

Sometimes we hate this couple. We have all seen them somewhere in life and they don’t seem to age. Luckily, as we get older, we tend to let go of all the hate and just accept them as freaks of nature. And as freaks, they were obviously meant for each other. They will then breed perfect children who will marry the kids of their fellow super couples and the cycle will continue.

What kind of couple characteristics do you have? And which kind of couple is your favourite? Happy Valentine’s Day!

I would like to dedicate this special edition to my boyfriend, Brian. Thank you for being the best. And for all the love a support a gal can ever ask for. I love you!

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